[Hanna]

[little_duck]

Prim stands outside the door to Hanna's apartment, smoothing out her skirt. While she knows that Hanna would never turn her away, Prim has a hard time shaking the shyness of her childhood. As usual, she takes a deep breath and knocks. Some of the butterflies in her stomach, she knows, are just a side-effect of seeing her friend-- a happy kind of nervous, really.

There's a small, carefully wrapped box in her messenger bag that she hasn't given to Hanna yet. It had taken her a while to find exactly what she wanted to give Hanna, and then a little longer to have it put on a proper chain.

Shifting the bag on her shoulder, she waits for the door to open.

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[beautyof_form]

School did not start for another week, but Hanna was finishing up some reading assigned for the break, when there was a knock at the door. Marking her place, she rose from the couch, padding barefoot to the door and looking through the peephole.

She was already smiling when she threw open the door. "Hi," she said, "Come in."

It was a surprise, but a good one.

[little_duck]

"Hi," Prim says, popping up on the tips of her toes to kiss Hanna's cheeks. "I thought I'd come see you. I have something for you!" The nervousness melts away, and she starts to take off her coat, slide out of her boots.

She's promised herself to take the week off from studying, and being around Hanna is an excellent first step.

[beautyof_form]

"I have something for you, too," Hanna grinned, already hurrying toward her bedroom before calling, "Wait there."

Really, it wouldn't have mattered if Prim had followed her, but it seemed important to make a good presentation, and watching Hanna riffle around under her bed for it wouldn't do. With the box in her hand, she hurried back out into the living room, her hair falling in a mess around her face.

[little_duck]

Prim sits down, digging out her own small box from the messenger bag. It's wrapped in shiny gold paper, and tied with a similarly shiny blue ribbon. After the years of using scraps of old paper to wrap whatever she could manage for her family, Prim has embraced being able to do something pretty.

When Hanna returns, she gives her a bright smile, holding out the box.

[beautyof_form]

"Here," she said, her box wrapped in the red and gold paper that had been available at the little boutique where she'd bought the necklace. It had a small blue stone, with two gold leaves hanging on either side. One leaf was engraved with a P, the other with an H. Under the hem of her t-shirt, Hanna wore an exact duplicate.

[little_duck]

Prim opens the box, her smile only growing when she sees what's inside. "It's so pretty," she says, cradling the necklace in her palm. "I love it." She looks at the little box she'd handed Hanna and laughs.

"We're on the same page, I think."

Nestled inside her box is a necklace as well-- a heart-shaped locked, engraved with little flowers. No picture inside yet, but Prim hadn't't been sure if she should.

[beautyof_form]

"I... have one, too," she said, pulling the chain from her collar so that Prim could see, "It is our initials."

Perhaps that was obvious, but it seemed important she say so. A very faint blush staining her cheeks, she opened her box, drawing in a breath at the sight of the little locket inside.

"It is beautiful. Thank you..." she said, a little awed that something so small could make her feel this way.

[little_duck]

Prim's already undoing the clasp on her present, putting it on-- it lays just right, between her collarbones. "I'm glad you like it," she says. "It opens up, and you can put something little inside it. A picture, maybe."

She scoots closer to Hanna, and leans in to kiss her on the lips this time.

[beautyof_form]

It wasn't their first kiss, but here alone in her living room, instead of at a party or in a movie theater, it felt different. Framing Prim's face in her hands, Hanna held her close, letting the kiss linger and parting her lips a bit more than she might have dared before.

[little_duck]

It feels different to Prim, too.

She's a little more prepared than she has been those other times, too. There's a secret stash of books, and a couple of movies, on what romance-- and Prim is sure that this is romance-- between two girls looks like. It's not exactly something she can practice, and if even she felt like asking Katniss about relationships, Prim probably is further ahead in that department.

So she reaches out and rests her hands on Hanna's sides, letting them slide down to her waist, her own lips parting slightly.

[beautyof_form]

Before, the kisses had been nice. Sweet and warm and exciting, but this one tugged at her in a way that the others hadn't. She pressed into it more deeply, her long fingers curling around the back of Prim's neck. When she came up for air, it was to whisper, softly, "I need to tell you something."

[little_duck]

Prim opens her eyes slightly. Had she done it wrong?

"What do you need to tell me?" she whispers back. It had been such a perfect moment, but she has that sense of foreboding in her stomach. That feeling has yet to be proven wrong.

[beautyof_form]

"I..." she began, realizing she had no idea how to word something like this. It should've been simple, right? Straightforward. But she found herself wavering, uncertain what Prim's reaction might be.

"I had sexual intercourse with someone. With a friend. A boy."

[little_duck]

Prim draws back, confusion written in her features. "You had sex?" Innocent as she might seem, Prim knows what it means, and what it means for the two of them. "With a boy." Her stomach absolutely drops out, and she pushes further back on the couch, drawing into herself.

She doesn't have the right words, she finds, to say what she's feeling-- that is, if she can figure out what she's feeling. "Do you like him? Is he your boyfriend now?"

[beautyof_form]

"No. He's only a friend," Hanna said, fully and completely honest. "I went to a doctor, and she told me I can never have children. Afterward, she gave me condoms and told me all these things about sex, and I... I wanted to know what it would be like."

[little_duck]

"And I could never show you that," Prim says, her tone a bit dull. Her eyes grow hot with tears, and even though she knows that she's a bit of a crybaby, she's fighting to keep them away. "I..."

She stands up, blindly groping for her things.

"I'm sorry you can't have children," she says, chin wobbling.

[beautyof_form]

"But you could. I didn't... I didn't even think to ask until we were--" she cut herself off, knowing that providing detail might've been the worst thing she could've done, in that moment.

"We've only ever kissed and held hands, and none of the adults ever talk about how two girls do it, even though everyone knows they can."

[little_duck]

"Haven't you read any books?" asks Prim, before she can think it through. "I've... there are books. It's not the same but you can...." She shakes her head, backing away.

Something else bubbles up inside her, besides the hurt. It's red and hot.

"You just did it with some boy. Who is he?"

[beautyof_form]

"I have, but no one talks about it. They talk about everything else, in class, and the doctors give you condoms and talk about babies, and I didn't..." she cut herself off, her eyes squeezing shut against that look of pain Prim had on her face. "I'm sorry, Prim. I wanted to know what it was like. I'm glad I know what it's like. I'm not... I'm not sorry that I know, but I'm sorry that I've hurt you."

Shaking her head, she insisted, "It doesn't matter. He wasn't just some boy, he's my friend and I trust him, but it doesn't matter. He's only a friend."

[little_duck]

Prim can't remember being angry like this before; is this what it's like to be Katniss? No lives are in danger, and yet she feels like the world is crashing down around her again.

"So if I had a friend, a boy, and I decided to have sex with him, would it be okay with you?" The question doesn't even form fully in her head before it's out of her mouth. "Would you be glad if I did?" Maybe she should, she thinks. She wipes furiously at her eyes.

[beautyof_form]

"Would I be glad? No, I wouldn't be glad. You've never told me what I can and cannot do, and neither have I to you, and I don't... I don't believe I would be angry at you for doing something that was never forbidden," Hanna admitted, whether it was the right thing to say or not. "I... If I was meant to know not to do this, if you told me and I somehow didn't realize, I am sorry, Prim. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't... I didn't know I could."

[little_duck]

"I thought..." Prim starts, but she doesn't know how to finish it. She scrubs at her eyes, starts making sure she has her things, moves towards the door. The words find her a second later. "I thought you might be happy with just me. I didn't know I should tell you not to do that."

Her mouth tugs as if in spasm. "I have to go," she says, voice breaking. "I have to go." Her hand finds the doorknob and turns, letting her stumble out into the hall. She starts running, and she doesn't stop until she's on a train, knees pulled up to her chest, sobbing.